Co-Parenting: When Sharing the Load Feels Like Failure

For years, I carried the invisible weight of being the default parent, the primary caregiver—the one who gets the first call from daycare, knows the doctor’s appointments, remembers birthday parties and sorts the gifts, and keeps track of school events.

"Resent" might be too strong a word, but I won’t deny the frustration. It wasn’t just the workload; it was the expectation—the way the role fell on me, unquestioned. It wasn’t some grand decision we made; it was just… how it happened. Maybe it was societal norms. Maybe it was the small, unconscious ways I leaned into the role from the very beginning—girlfriend, then wife, then mother.

When I separated, one thing I truly looked forward to was sharing the parenting load differently. I imagined the relief, the freedom of not always being the one responsible for every little thing.

What I didn’t anticipate was how complicated that freedom would feel.

Yes, my load is lighter. But sometimes, instead of feeling liberated, I feel… unsettled. Thrown off balance. Triggered, if you will (yes, triggered is quite the buzzword at the moment, but you know what I mean). There are moments when what should be a relief feels like failure. Guilt creeps in.

Take this week, for example.

First day of school. I go to my ex’s house to meet him and the kids so we can do the drop-off together, as a united, co-parenting front.

“Where are the schoolbooks?” I ask.

“Oh, I took them on open day, met the teachers, and dropped them off.”

Wait… what? In six years of schooling, he never wanted to handle that. I was the one who made sure everything was packed, prepped, and ready. And now, suddenly, it’s him? I felt shock. A sting of failure.

Mind you, I had spent weeks painstakingly labelling each book and individual pencil, carefully packing the boxes, and personally delivering them to his house. But my irrational brain didn’t think of that.

And yet…

I remind myself that this is what’s best for them. That my children get to have two parents showing up as their best versions. That we are modelling a new way of co-parenting, even if it still stirs up unexpected emotions for me and makes me feel like I’ve been catapulted back into emotional chaos—not two and a bit years down my growth journey like I thought I was.

But here’s the thing: this isn’t just about parenting. It’s the same thing that happens when we try to rebuild life—our finances, our careers, our sense of self.

When you’re trying to get life back on track—or build an entirely new track—you imagine a clean slate. You set new financial goals, work towards a fresh start, create a plan to move forward. And you expect that once you’re focused, everything else will fall into place. That the emotional weight will just disappear. That nothing will stall your progress.

But these little moments—these unexpected, emotional hits—still show up. They pull at your energy, your focus. They make you question whether you’re truly ready.

And maybe that’s the lesson: there will never not be a time that something, seemingly small, throws me off balance temporarily. The same happens with clients and their finance journeys. In my experience, there is never a “right” time to be emotionally ready to tackle your finances, your future, or your next chapter.

Life doesn’t wait until you’re ready. The moments that throw you off course don’t magically stop just because you’re working towards something new. But you move forward anyway. You remind yourself why you started. You acknowledge the feelings, but you don’t let them hold you back.

It won’t be smooth sailing, but it will be worth it.

And to stick with the sailing theme, if you need help adjusting your sails on your financial journey- reach out. I’d love to help.