The unravelling of happily ever after
Trying to navigate money after separation or divorce? You’re in the right place!
Hi, I’m Gemma.
I’m a mother of two, with over two decades of experience in the financial services industry. I am a qualified financial adviser and professional wealth coach.
In my career, I’ve had the privilege of advising and coaching hundreds of clients during the challenging times that follow separation and divorce. And just recently, at 37, I found myself navigating those challenges firsthand.
Navigating the aftermath of a failed ‘happily ever after’ is a scary time. For most, exiting a long-term, financially dependent relationship results in needing a total financial overhaul and often, a crash course in finances.
As I started my journey down this road, getting back to basics and resetting my own financial trajectory, I found myself on a rollercoaster of emotions, from frustration and impatience to moments of inspiration and excitement. Then I’d come crashing back into the black hole of fear and guilt… You name it, I felt it.
It made me think—how does anyone else get their finances together, and keep them on track, if I’m an expert in this and still feel completely overwhelmed?!
Everyone’s journey is unique. Your life, your relationship (and its unfortunate demise), your financial position, and your future path will differ from mine. Personal finance is, by nature, deeply personal. But the key principles, fundamental learnings, tools, and support you need to make your wealth journey a success—whichever wealth path you take—remain the same. Women partially already have unique considerations when it comes to wealth building, and the impacts of separation can only add to systematic challenges.
Amidst the uncertainty that comes with being thrust onto this path, no matter how well-prepared you may have thought you were (like I over-confidently assumed), there is something to be excited about in this next chapter.
In most relationships, even the happiest and healthiest ones, conflicts often revolve around money—earning it, spending it, and saving it. Your partner might be a spender while you are a saver, or vice versa. For the most part, people understand that disagreements in relationships often arise from poor communication and misaligned values and goals. But what people don’t realise is how influential your upbringing was. How you were raised and the memories you have of how those around you managed money in your early childhood profoundly influence your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours towards money in adulthood. This is what’s called your money mindset, or money story, and it’s why two people, even those deeply in love, can have conflicts around finances.
The essence of my message is this: You now hold the reins!
You have complete control—an initially daunting prospect I admit, but when reframed, this becomes an incredible opportunity. There is no one to answer to but yourself and your values. Your finances, your destiny, and your dream life are now solely in your hands. This is a chapter you get to write, filled with newfound independence, self-discovery, and the chance to redefine your life and financial future.
Finances aren’t one-size-fits-all; it’s more like a choose-your-own-adventure. There are hundreds of ways to do something, and what works for some won’t work for others. Please don’t fall into the trap of trying something, finding it doesn’t work for you, and succumbing to the belief that you are ‘bad with money’. You’re not bad with money; you just haven’t found what works for you, yet.
Keep learning, keep adapting, and keep moving forward. You are not broken; you’re just a little bent. You’re on this road regardless, so don’t just survive—thrive.